Fear has got me long and far..
I couldn’t sleep. And the more i try, the harder it is.
I can feel pain in my chest and head.
I am unable to get rid of it.
I am afraid of leading people, for the consequence that it may give if i ever make a wrong decision.
I am afraid of mistakes, for when it is related to other people’s benefit.
Sometimes i thought if medicine is a course for me.
Though i was the only person who hold onto reading books whole others clung onto slides reading and memorizing. The result did not come out to be as good as i expected.
I missed the key words available in slides. But i got the concept from books description that many people did not.
It is a fair play, and a trial on mistakes. That i will still fall even when i have tried. Mostly the reason is due to the fact that the way i used wasn’t good enough, or simply proving the fact that i shall pay more effort.
It is another sleepless night.
I have been spending days in hostel to cook my own meal. It gave me not much reason to go out. I rarely talk to anyone these 2 days.
Maybe i would have felt better if i were to go out to eat in the cafeteria and meet friends? Nah… maybe the walk would help in digestion. But the fact that i will be eating alone most of the time as my roommates have gone home despair me too.
Why is it there a thing to be worried about?
It wouldn’t change, and uncertainty is what that makes life interesting and challenging.
Sometimes i miss hiking. There is rarely a hill here in SP. And yea.. maybe i should go Gunung Jerai some day. I must be crazy and i dont have time!
Sorry about this self conflict post. I think similar style occurs in many previous posts years ago. Usually i write to cheer myself up and the cheering part is also written down. Not to mention the conflicting stage as well.
Dear me, I am not going to die. Dont cry.