Sleepless night

Fear has got me long and far..
I couldn’t sleep. And the more i try, the harder it is.
I can feel pain in my chest and head.
I am unable to get rid of it.
I am afraid of leading people, for the consequence that it may give if i ever make a wrong decision.
I am afraid of mistakes, for when it is related to other people’s benefit.

Sometimes i thought if medicine is a course for me.

Though i was the only person who hold onto reading books whole others clung onto slides reading and memorizing. The result did not come out to be as good as i expected.
I missed the key words available in slides. But i got the concept from books description that many people did not.

It is a fair play, and a trial on mistakes. That i will still fall even when i have tried. Mostly the reason is due to the fact that the way i used wasn’t good enough, or simply proving the fact that i shall pay more effort.

It is another sleepless night.
I have been spending days in hostel to cook my own meal. It gave me not much reason to go out. I rarely talk to anyone these 2 days.

Maybe i would have felt better if i were to go out to eat in the cafeteria and meet friends? Nah… maybe the walk would help in digestion. But the fact that i will be eating alone most of the time as my roommates have gone home despair me too.

Why is it there a thing to be worried about?
It wouldn’t change, and uncertainty is what that makes life interesting and challenging.

Sometimes i miss hiking. There is rarely a hill here in SP. And yea.. maybe i should go Gunung Jerai some day. I must be crazy and i dont have time!

Sorry about this self conflict post. I think similar style occurs in many previous posts years ago. Usually i write to cheer myself up and the cheering part is also written down. Not to mention the conflicting stage as well.

Dear me, I am not going to die. Dont cry.

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3 responses to “Sleepless night

  1. 累了就休息一下再继续冲刺。
    每个人都有自己的读书方式。
    付出虽不一定有同等的回报,
    但至少,你尽力了,那就好。

    加油,Tinggy! 😀

  2. I miss hiking and I miss you. I miss everything.

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