It kinds of hurt me when my friends who are more slack and insincere in classes are getting better results than I am.
I try to avoid the question all together my with studies because I simply cannot live with the truth.
But it is what it is no matter I like it or not.. Instead of feeling mere jealousy, I shall take this as a motivation to learn from their technique and do better..
It feels better after addressing the feeling.
My faculty has organized and attended a wonderful prom night on last Friday.
I have refused to attend seeming everything that goes against my own recent formed belief of it being less environmental friendly and contributed to food waste glamorously.
Yes.. we do dress up and look fancy like a once in a lifetime prince and princess fantasy.. it is a cool experience to show how beautiful one can be given the effort, and money. Forming a disney moment to remember for the lifetime.
After attending to 3 proms in the past years.. I guess I have got my fair share of fairy tale experiences and shall stop pursuing it.
Instead, embrace what is real good and beautiful: kindness.
The beauty of appearance last several years, but the beauty of soul last forever.
Though I can’t deny that my batch mates do look very good in those pictures that I wish I am part of.. haha who am I kidding.
So I was convinced with the Kon Mari method and stated practicing it to clear and reorganize my belongings. It uses the basis of going through all items one by one to only keep things that sparks joy instead of focusing on discarding items.
I first organized those belongings in my rented room in Sungai Petani in January.
As most items were accumulated in recent 4 years of study life so it isn’t too bad to go through all of them.
Now I tried practicing it at my very own room in Penang.
It is the base where i store all the things that matters to me since small.
I only completed reviewing my clothes today,
and noticed the number of clothes I kept for girl guides, is the most.
There are uniforms, souvenir shirts and those good T i kept in case i need to go camping again..
It occured to me that guiding has been a huge part of my life.
Despite not being able to dedicate too much time and effort to it, it still stays in my heart.
Then there are some signed shirts from other activities, and the form 5 graduation T-shirt..
I discarded the signed shirts, kept the graduation T anyway..
It is amazing how time has passed. Looking back at high school, I am almost 25 y/o now.
Many struggles, and things that had mattered so much now longer do.
Perhaps whatever misery it is that we are now having, it will go away eventually..
I have been dealing with many people, had my anxiety built up, formed my anger, learnt to persuade, managed to gain trust and alter attitude upon mixing with different types of people yet keeping the kind heart within.
There is good and bad sides.
At the age of 24, the biggest fear is still my family members.
I can lose it so swiftly by being influenced. Perhaps it’s time to learn to detach feelings with their negative emotions. It’s not easy growing up in a family who fights against each other other small matters.
It’s funny to say but my rented house with strangers seem more peaceful than this blood related home.
Keep dancing darling, keep dancing.
There are a few memories that I would like to keep on this blog..
The first one is a thank you card I made for local health clinic staffs in appreciation of their patients in our disturbance for learning sake.
Second are the photos with wonderful people I met in UKM Medical Conference 2016.
These experiences keep me alive.
So I have chose to stand on my own because I need freedom, and enjoys attention.
Next week onward I will be driving on my own to classes, clinics and hospitals.
I have friends who stay nearby and would love to carpool, but their attitude towards classes is ‘minimal’, in which it is like most students, they will not care to stay longer after class or to observe more for self-learning purpose. Well, sometimes they would cut short our classes hours. I would do exactly the same had I not did so badly in 6th Form. But I learnt the difference hard work and persistence would make, and was convinced to believe that the art of learning medicine is to get exposed to as many cases as possible.
Well, I have been working on it, I do agree that my standard is not on par on where I should be- better.
It just means I need to work harder and fine tune my approach to increase the efficiency.
Sometimes, I guess we have to walk alone on what we believe.
Do not be afraid to fall.
Try the things you wanted to,
Most people die regretting it.
I have been afraid of troubles and failure. And have chosen so many safe path to avoid facing it.
But no matter how much i try to prevent it.
We have to face and deal with reality.
Ignorance is not strength,
What will happen, will happen.
My current group leader would lie and put blame onto others just to avoid any fault onto her despite the truth.
its a first time of mine meeting such shameless person who could ignore her own guilt(if she ever have one) and able to do anything onto other.
she is a devil whos facts we have to listen carefully to recognise the lie, and whos pityful expression we ought to ignore everytime we talk to her and whom we have to keep distance to avoid putting blame on no matter how much you have helped her as a friend.
Does she even have a heart?
Well.. from this encounter, i start to believe why cooperate life could be difficult with the competition promoting survival self protection..
a person can behave as bad as he or she wants to be without a sense of guilt..
Beware you kind people.. we have to be smart so that we can continue being kind people.. if not we’ll just be kind dead people, or once kind until betrayed.. you know what i mean.
Twas it came to mind,
Never overrate the value of appearance, we all become old and ugly one day.
Appreciate the kindness of a good heart, for it is the beauty that stays until we die.
Quote inspired by cute little pen..
This is a pen posted for fun.