So I have chose to stand on my own because I need freedom, and enjoys attention.
Next week onward I will be driving on my own to classes, clinics and hospitals.
I have friends who stay nearby and would love to carpool, but their attitude towards classes is ‘minimal’, in which it is like most students, they will not care to stay longer after class or to observe more for self-learning purpose. Well, sometimes they would cut short our classes hours. I would do exactly the same had I not did so badly in 6th Form. But I learnt the difference hard work and persistence would make, and was convinced to believe that the art of learning medicine is to get exposed to as many cases as possible.
Well, I have been working on it, I do agree that my standard is not on par on where I should be- better.
It just means I need to work harder and fine tune my approach to increase the efficiency.
Sometimes, I guess we have to walk alone on what we believe.
Talking about my new housemates who are housemen couple in the master bedroom… The girl is still extremely closed up and unfriendly.. it kind of make me sad though.. as if another word I speak that might intrigue her privacy and there is nothing she wish to know about another person who is staying in the same house with them.
The guy is still fine though.. he greets.
It is fine for them.. they have each other.. but I am all on my own.. comparing to the previous hostel life where we have 4 per room and 12 per house.. it’s a change .. especially when the house is nicely furnished like a home, but the people are nothing close to it.
Perhaps not all thing will go in my way, including how other people decides to treat me. I have been kind and offer help within limits.. there is nothing I can do except observing the natural history of relationship progress.. 🙂
At times I wanted to be alone.
But now that I am, emptiness flood in especially when I am staying in the same house with a couple, who does things together all the time.
No situation is perfect, adaptation defines it.
Good bye, hostel life.
I have finally taken my last daily item from the hostel.
In awe, the hardest act was to remove my towel from the towel rack that 4 of us roommies share.
I have always enjoyed the relaxing in the hostel and hanging it with others gave me a good sense of togetherness.
Back to solitarity.
From now on, i suppose would blog more
I have finally found 2 housemates and paid the deposit.
The feeling of having my plan secured is oddly soothing and relieving. Maybe I have an OCD.
Anyway.. this means moving to another phase of my life. Being independent, away from friends in hostel to enjoy the solitarity for good. I would be lonely at times, but I guess it would not hurt asking people out sometimes and even accepting the times that my invitation might be rejected occasionally..
I learnt today that the owner and his sister-in-law who meets us to deal with the things are amazingly courteous, friendly and polite while earning my money and not giving way for discount.
Yup, they are nice, rich successful people who earns a lot, and knows how not to make people angry.
Not all things happen as peaceful and beautiful the way they can.
I do not know why some people have to yell and be so defensive even on the most general discussion.
Yes, we may not need to agree with each other utterly, but that doesn’t warrant an emotional demonstration of being angry and aggressive.
It just hurts me.
All the time.
What sensitive word i have here, Time.
With freedom of time, comes responsibility.
People violates my time in the name of patience..
After so many times, finally I learnt that
Sometimes.. i need it for myself.
And be responsible to take care of myself.
It is true that i can’t have everything, as beautiful they are, I have limited time and ability that i shall focus on priorities.
Well… as important as I am at anywhere.. the world will still go on without my presence anyway. 🙂
Fear has got me long and far..
I couldn’t sleep. And the more i try, the harder it is.
I can feel pain in my chest and head.
I am unable to get rid of it.
I am afraid of leading people, for the consequence that it may give if i ever make a wrong decision.
I am afraid of mistakes, for when it is related to other people’s benefit.
Sometimes i thought if medicine is a course for me.
Though i was the only person who hold onto reading books whole others clung onto slides reading and memorizing. The result did not come out to be as good as i expected.
I missed the key words available in slides. But i got the concept from books description that many people did not.
It is a fair play, and a trial on mistakes. That i will still fall even when i have tried. Mostly the reason is due to the fact that the way i used wasn’t good enough, or simply proving the fact that i shall pay more effort.
It is another sleepless night.
I have been spending days in hostel to cook my own meal. It gave me not much reason to go out. I rarely talk to anyone these 2 days.
Maybe i would have felt better if i were to go out to eat in the cafeteria and meet friends? Nah… maybe the walk would help in digestion. But the fact that i will be eating alone most of the time as my roommates have gone home despair me too.
Why is it there a thing to be worried about?
It wouldn’t change, and uncertainty is what that makes life interesting and challenging.
Sometimes i miss hiking. There is rarely a hill here in SP. And yea.. maybe i should go Gunung Jerai some day. I must be crazy and i dont have time!
Sorry about this self conflict post. I think similar style occurs in many previous posts years ago. Usually i write to cheer myself up and the cheering part is also written down. Not to mention the conflicting stage as well.
Dear me, I am not going to die. Dont cry.